In the Name of Allah, Most Merciful, Most Compassionate
Assalaamu alaykum
Dear Friends
I pray that you are well.
There is no blessing except from Allah. Our parents is a great blessing. One of the outward signs of being appreciative of the blessing is to be good to our parents.
Allah says,
وَوَصَّيْنَا ٱلْإِنسَـٰنَ بِوَٰلِدَيْهِ حَمَلَتْهُ أُمُّهُۥ وَهْنًا عَلَىٰ وَهْنٍ وَفِصَـٰلُهُۥ فِى عَامَيْنِ أَنِ ٱشْكُرْ لِى وَلِوَٰلِدَيْكَ إِلَىَّ ٱلْمَصِيرُ ﴿١٤[Qur'an Luqman 31:14]
And We have enjoined upon man [care] for his parents. His mother carried him, [increasing her] in weakness upon weakness, and his weaning is in two years. Be grateful to Me and to your parents; to Me is the [final] destination.
Unless you are thankful to your parents, you are not thankful to Allah because thankfulness to Allah is being thankful to the Giver and the means of giving. Thankfulness is appreciation in the heart that is expressed in one's conduct, speech, dealing and responses.
Being good to our parents is one of the most significant duties in our religion. After commanding us to worship Allah and avoid making partner with Him, the first thing Allah commands us is be good to our parents.
Allah says,
[Qur’an Al-Isra' 17:23-24]
وَقَضَىٰ رَبُّكَ أَلَّا تَعۡبُدُوٓاْ إِلَّآ إِيَّاهُ وَبِٱلۡوَٲلِدَيۡنِ إِحۡسَـٰنًاۚ إِمَّا يَبۡلُغَنَّ عِندَكَ ٱلۡڪِبَرَ أَحَدُهُمَآ أَوۡ كِلَاهُمَا فَلَا تَقُل لَّهُمَآ أُفٍّ۬ وَلَا تَنۡہَرۡهُمَا وَقُل لَّهُمَا قَوۡلاً۬ ڪَرِيمً۬ا (٢٣) وَٱخۡفِضۡ لَهُمَا جَنَاحَ ٱلذُّلِّ مِنَ ٱلرَّحۡمَةِ وَقُل رَّبِّ ٱرۡحَمۡهُمَا كَمَا رَبَّيَانِى صَغِيرً۬ا (٢٤
And your Lord has decreed that you not worship except Him, and to parents, good treatment. Whether one or both of them reach old age [while] with you, say not to them [so much as], "uff," and do not repel them but speak to them a noble word. (23) And lower to them the wing of humility out of mercy and say, "My Lord, have mercy upon them as they brought me up [when I was] small." (24)
Even a mild expressions of reproach or impropriety is not acceptable. This is recognizing that parents can be annoying, but don't express your disapproval rather express with nobility and gentleness, and lower to them out of mercy.
Remind yourself that their rights are many times greater than the annoyance and inconvenience.
Even if they are wrong, you respond with gentleness and respect. You act with restraint and don't argue with them. It is very hard to argue respectfully and with good manners, so don't argue. Disagree in discreet. Appreciate where they are coming from and take their words into consideration. You not only listen to the words they utter but listen to the meanings of what they are expressing and the care and concern that they are expressing. .
Make du'a for them. One of the good places to make du'a for your parents is during your final sitting during prayer.
رَّبِّ ٱرْحَمْهُمَا كَمَا رَبَّيَانِى صَغِيرًا
،،،My Lord, have mercy upon them as they brought me up [when I was] small. [Qur'an Al-Isra' 17:24]
This is a great reminder to yourself to be excellent to your parents. So you always speak to them with gentleness and generosity even when they are wrong because you realize the favor that they look after you when you were small. Imagine if your mother left you on the street after she gave birth to you. Just by giving birth to you, she did you a huge favor. Your life is a favor to you. Out of thankfulness to your parents that you be good to them, and out of your thankfulness to Allah for the gift of life and making your parents the means for the giving that you obey His command to be kind to them and lower your wing of humility out of mercy and make du'a for them.
"What is goodness to parents?" ibn Abdullah said, "It is easy an easy matter" because we are in tune of what being good is. Goodness is being beautiful and excellent, and excellent entails to being humble to them, to speak to them nicely in a mild and soft tone that does not surpass them unless they have a hearing problem, to give them complete access to your wealth and to give them the best of your food and drink.
Making parents' life enjoyable is a virtuous act.
Mu'adh said, "Bliss belongs to someone who is dutiful towards his parents. Allah Almighty will prolong his life." [Bukhari]
Bahz ibn Hakim's grandfather said, "I asked, 'Messenger of Allah, to whom should I be dutiful?' 'Your mother,' he replied. I asked, 'Then whom?' 'Your mother,' he replied. I asked, 'Then whom?' 'Your mother,' he replied. I asked, 'Then to whom should I be dutiful?' 'Your father,' he replied, 'and then the next closest relative and then the next.'" [Bukhari]
'Ata' ibn Yasar said that a man came to Ibn 'Abbas and said, "I asked a woman to marry me and she refused to marry me. Another man asked her and she agreed to marry him. I became jealous and killed her. Is there any way for me to repent?" He asked, "Is your mother alive?" "No," he replied. He said, "repent to Allah Almighty and try to draw near Him as much as you can." 'Ata' said, "I went to Ibn 'Abbas and asked him, 'Why did you ask him whether his mother was alive?' He replied, 'I do not know of any action better for bringing a person near to Allah than dutifulness to his mother.'"
[Bukhari]
One must hasten to respond to their parents' call even it means he shortens his prayer. One leaves something that is sunnah if it takes away their right. Keep them informed where you are, so that you keep their minds at ease. Stay in touch with them.
You can never repay your parents unless you find them enslaved and set them free. So the least you can do is be good to them.
Abu Hurayra reported that the Prophet, Allah bless him and grant him peace, said, "A child cannot repay his father unless he finds him as a slave and the buys him and sets him free."[Bukhari]
Sa'id ibn Abi Burda said, "I heard my father sat that Ibn 'Umar saw a Yamani man going around the House while carrying his mother on his back, saying, 'I am your humble camel. If her mount is frightened, I am not frightened.' Then he asked, 'Ibn 'Umar? Do you think that I have repaid her?' He replied, 'No, not even for a single groan.' [Bukhari]
"Ibn 'Umar did tawaf and came to the Maqam and prayed two rak'ats. He said, 'Ibn Abi Musa, every two rak'ats make up for everything that has happened between them.'" [Bukhari]
Marwan used to make Abu Hurayra his agent and he used to be located in Dhu'l-Hulayfa. His mother was in one house and he was in another. When he wanted to go out, he would stop at her door and say, "Peace be upon you, mother, and the mercy of Allah and His blessing." She would reply, "And peace be upon you, my son, and the mercy of Allah and His blessing." Then he said, "May Allah have mercy on you as you raised me when I was a child." She answered, "May Allah have mercy on you as you were dutiful to me when I was old." Whenever he wanted to go inside, he would do something similar. [Bukhari]
'Abdullah ibn 'Amr said, "A man came to the Prophet, Allah bless him and grant him peace, and made a pledge to him that he would do hijra. He left his parents who were in tears. The Prophet said, 'Go back to them and make them laugh as you made them weep.'" [Bukhari]
Abu Hazim reported that Abu Murra, the mawla of Umm Hani' bint Abi Talib had told him that he rode with Abu Hurayra to his land in al-'Aqiq. When he entered his land, he shouted out in his loudest voice, "Peace be upon you, mother, and the mercy of Allah and His blessing!" She replied, "And peace be upon you and the mercy of Allah and His blessing." He said, "May Allah have mercy on you as you raised me when I was a child." She replied, "My son, may Allah repay you well and be pleased with you as you were dutiful towards me when I was old." [Bukhari]
Disobedience towards one's parents more likely will bring punishment in this world before the next. Obedience towards one's parents is a means to obedience to Allah but not an end in itself. So, it is obligatory to disobey your parents if they call to nonfullfilment of the rights of Allah, yet you must respond in the best manner. If they strive against you that you worship other than allah, then you don't obey them. Yet despite that you keep their company in a good way.
Abu Bakra reported that the Prophet, Allah bless him and grant him peace, said, "There is no wrong action more likely to bring punishment in this world in addition to what is stored up in the next world than oppression and severing ties of kinship."
Abu Hurayra reported that the Prophet, Allah bless him and grant him peace, said, "Disgrace! Disgrace! Disgrace!" They said, "Messenger of Allah, who?" He said, "The one who fails his parents or one of them when they are old will enter the Fire." [Bukhari]
'Imran ibn Husayn said, "The Messenger of Allah, Allah bless him and grant him peace, said, 'What do you say about fornication, drinking wine and theft?' 'Allah and His Messenger know best,' we replied. He stated, 'They are acts of outrage and there is punishment for them, but shall I tell you which is the greatest of the great wrong actions? Associating with Allah Almighty and disobeying parents.' He had been reclining, but then he sat up and said, 'and lying.'"
Abu Bakra reported that the Messenger of Allah, Allah bless him and grant him peace, said, "Shall I tell you which is the worst of the major wrong actions?" "Yes, Messenger of Allah," they replied. He said, "Associating something else with Allah and disobeying parents." He had been reclining, but then he stood up and said, "And false witness." Abu Bakr said, "He continued to repeat it until I said, 'Is he never going to stop?'" [Bukhari]
Ibn 'Umar said, "Making parents weep is part of disobedience and one of the major wrong actions." [Bukhari]
Parents should make it easy for children to be kind to them. They should not be overbearing towards their children nor excessive in their demands. Always make du'a for your children and not against them.
Abu Hurayra reported that the Prophet, may Allah bless him and grant him peace, said, "Three supplications are answered without a doubt: the supplication of someone who is oppressed, the supplication of someone on a journey, and the supplication of parents for their children."
May Allah shower His Mercy on our parents, and make us obedient to Him and excellent to our parents.
Please don't forget us in your night prayers. Jazakallahu khairan.
And Allah knows best.
Wassalaam
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