Excellent Treatment and Dutiful to Your Parents Can Take You Out of a Bind

بسم الله الرحمن الرحيم
In the Name of Allah, Most Merciful, Most Compassionate

Assalaamu alaykum

Dear Friends

I pray that you are well.

Why did Allah put the command to give excellent treatment and be dutiful to your parents (وَبِٱلْوَ‌ٰلِدَيْنِ إِحْسَـٰنًا) in verse 151 of Surah An-Aam concerning prohibitions and sinful acts?

The purpose at this place is to tell us not to be disobedient to parents and not to cause pain to them. But it is in a way of wisdom that the prohibition has been sublimated as 'be good and dutiful to your parents.' The aim is to point out that, in the matter of parents, it is not enough that one does not disobey parents or does not cause any pain to them, but it is one's duty to keep them pleased with decent, generous and obliging treatment.

This has been made more explicit in another verse of the Qur'an,

وَٱخْفِضْ لَهُمَا جَنَاحَ ٱلذُّلِّ مِنَ ٱلرَّ‌حْمَةِ وَقُل رَّ‌بِّ ٱرْ‌حَمْهُمَا كَمَا رَ‌بَّيَانِى صَغِيرً‌ۭا ﴿٢٤

And lower to them the wing of humility out of mercy and say, "My Lord, have mercy upon them as they brought me up [when I was] small." (24) [Qur'an, Al-Isra 17:24]

This is an eloquently figurative mode of describing the attitude of love, reverence, readiness and availability to help out and care for, in all sincerity, and in tenderness at its sublimest, something the Qur'an has itself put in one word, 'mercy'.

Anything fall short of giving your very best (ihsan) to your parents, will earn you sins. There is no other action in Islam that if you don't do ihsan, you will earn sins. You don't have to have ihsan in your solat (prayers) for your solat to be acceptable, you don't have to have ihsan in your fasting or hajj to be acceptable, but when it comes to parents, if you don't give them your very best, then you are in the haram.

Causing pain to parents or exposing them to physical or emotional inconveniences has been placed as the second crime after Shirk (associating partners to Allah, which take one out of Islam). This is similar to the instruction given in another verse of the Qur'an where Allah has combined the duty of being obedient to them, and being responsible to see that they are comfortable, with the obligation to worship Him alone.

Allah Almighty says,

وَقَضَىٰ رَ‌بُّكَ أَلَّا تَعْبُدُوٓا۟ إِلَّآ إِيَّاهُ وَبِٱلْوَ‌ٰلِدَيْنِ إِحْسَـٰنًا ۚ إِمَّا يَبْلُغَنَّ عِندَكَ ٱلْكِبَرَ‌ أَحَدُهُمَآ أَوْ كِلَاهُمَا فَلَا تَقُل لَّهُمَآ أُفٍّ وَلَا تَنْهَرْ‌هُمَا وَقُل لَّهُمَا قَوْلًا كَرِ‌يمًا ﴿٢٣

And your Lord has decreed that you not worship except Him, and to parents, good treatment. Whether one or both of them reach old age [while] with you, say not to them [so much as], "uff," and do not repel them but speak to them a noble word. (23) [Qur'an, Al-Isra' 17:23]

Then, in Surah Luqman, Allah Almighty says,

وَوَصَّيْنَا ٱلْإِنسَـٰنَ بِوَ‌ٰلِدَيْهِ حَمَلَتْهُ أُمُّهُۥ وَهْنًا عَلَىٰ وَهْنٍ وَفِصَـٰلُهُۥ فِى عَامَيْنِ أَنِ ٱشْكُرْ‌ لِى وَلِوَ‌ٰلِدَيْكَ إِلَىَّ ٱلْمَصِيرُ‌ ﴿١٤

And We have enjoined upon man [care] for his parents. His mother carried him, [increasing her] in weakness upon weakness, and his weaning is in two years. Be grateful to Me and to your parents; to Me is the [final] destination. (14) [Qur'an, Luqman 31:14]

Excellent treatment and dutiful to your parents is undoubtedly a noble deed, which not only will earn you high status with Allah (see The Story of Uwais Al-Qarni- Value of a Mother), but it will also take you out of a huge bind. Let's read the story of three men trapped in a cave to teach us to set our priorities right.

The Story of 3 Men Trapped in a Cave (Narrated in Bukhari and Muslim)

‘Abdullaah ibn ‘Umar reported that the Messenger sallallahu alayhi wassallam said:

Three men of a people before you, were on a journey when they were overtaken by a storm and therefore they took shelter in a cave. A rock slipped down from the mountain and blocked the exit from cave.

One of them said:
"The only way for deliverance left is to beseech Allah in the name of some virtuous deed."

Thereupon one of them supplicated,

"O Lord, my parents were very old, and I used to offer them their nightly drink of milk before my children and the other members of the family. One day I went astray far away in search of green trees and could return only after my parent had gone to sleep. When I had milked the animals and brought their nightly drink to them. They were fast asleep, but I did not like to disturb them, nor would give any part of the milk to my children and other members of the family till after my parents had their drink. Thus, with the vessel in hand, I awaited their awakening till the flush of dawn, while the children cried out of hunger at my feet. When they woke up, they had their drink. O Lord, if I did this thing seeking only your pleasure, then do relieve us of the distress wrought upon us by this rock."
Thereupon, the rock moved a little but not enough to let them pass out.

Then the second man supplicated:
"O Lord, I had a cousin that I loved more passionately than any man could love a woman. I tried to seduce her but she would refuse, till in a season of great hardship due to famine, she approached me (for help) and I gave her one hundred and twenty Dinars on the condition that she would have sexual intercourse with me. She agreed, and when we got together and I was just going to have intercourse with her, she pleaded, 'Fear Allah, and do not break the seal unlawfully', whereupon I moved away from her, despite the fact that I desired her most passionately; and I let her keep the money I had given her. O Lord, if I did this thing seeking only your pleasure, then do move the distress in which we find ourselves."
Again the rock moved a little but not enough to let them pass out.

Then the third supplicated:
"O Lord, I hired some laborers and paid them their dues, but one of them left leaving behind what was due to him. I invested it in business and the business prospered greatly.

After a while, the laborer came back and said: 'O servant of Allah, hand over to me my wages.' I said to him: 'All that you see is yours; camels, cattle, goats and slaves." He said: 'Don't play joke with me, O servant of Allah.' I assured him: 'I am not joking.' So he took all of it sparing nothing. O Lord, if I did this seeking only for your pleasure, do relieve us of our distress."

The rock then moved away, and all the three came out of the cave safe and sound.

Abdullah ibn ‘Umar radhiAllahu anhu narrated that the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wassallam said:

Obey your parents and treat them kindly, for if you do so then your own children will be obedient and kind to you. (Tabari)

May Allah guide us and our children towards ihsan (excellence). Ameen.

And Allah knows best and He alone grant success.

Allahumma salli 'ala Muhammad wa 'ala aalihi wa sahbihi wassallam.

Wassalaam