The Art of Listening

بسم الله الرحمن الرحيم
In the Name of Allah, Most Merciful, Most Compassionate
Assalaamu alaykum

Dear Friends

I pray that you are well.

One of the lost art as people are increasingly becoming self-centered, is the art of listening.

Ibrahim bin Al-Junaid said:

A wise man said to his son: Learn the art of listening as you learn the art of speaking. Listening well means maintaining eye contact, allowing the speaker to finish the speech, and restraining yourself from interrupting his speech.

If someone is speaking, the proper manner is to listen, be attentive and uphold respect, showing your care and concern towards the other person. Even if you already know the subject matter or have heard it before, do not rush to reveal your knowledge or to interfere with the speech.

The great imam of the tabi'in, Imam ‘Ata ibn Abi Rabah, said:

A young man would tell me something that I may have heard before he was born. Nevertheless, I listen to him as if I have never heard it before.

Khalid bin Safwan Al-Tamimi, who was with the two caliphs Omar bin Abdul Aziz and Hisham bin Abdul Malik, said:

If a person tells you something you have heard before, or news
that you already learned, do not interrupt him or her to exhibit your knowledge to those present. This is a rude and an ill manner.

Imam ‘Abdullah bin Wahab Al-Qurashi AlMasri, a companion of Imam Malik, Al-Laith bin Sa’d and Al-Thawri, said:

Sometimes a person would tell me a story that I have heard before his parents had wed. Yet I listen as if I have never heard it before.

If someone asked about something that you know, do not hasten to answer. Wait until you have a proper understanding of the question, and consider the best response. Consider why they are asking you and before you formulate a response, consider what is most beneficial for the person. Sometimes, someone might ask a question and end up using your response to the wrong end. If there is another person present or an audience, consider how your answer would affect the audience as well. The answer may be good for the questioner but the audience may be harmed by the answer. Consider if you are the best person to answer the question--do you really know? Will they listen to you? If not, point to someone who is more knowledgeable and they might listen to. This shows your sincerity and concern for people, and if it is concerning the religion, it shows your awareness of the gravity of giving religious guidance.

The Prophet, Allah bless him and grant him peace, was asked some questions by the Jews. His response was nothing and he waited for the revelation (Surah Kahf). This is teaching us a sense of deference--a general life lesson but especially about religious matters.

Mujahid Ibn Jabr, a great tabi'i recalled that Luqman, the Wise, said to his son:

If another person was asked a question, never hasten to give the answer, as if you are going to gain booty or to win a precious prize. By doing so, you will belittle the one who was asked and will offend the inquirer and you will bring the attention of the obnoxious people to your stupidity and ill-manner.

Sheikh Ibn Batta, a Hanbali scholar, said:

I was with Abu Omar Al-Zahid Mohammed ibn Abdul Wahed Al-Baghdadi - the Imam and linguist known also as Ghulam Th‘alab. He was asked about an issue. I rushed and answered the inquirer. He turned toward me and asked: “Do you recognize an officious character?” He suggested that I was a nosy person and made me feel very embarrassed.

When someone is speaking, don't just look over your shoulder but turn to the person completely, if possible. The Prophet, Allah bless him and grant him peace, would turn himself completely when someone was speaking to him. Don't act distracted, e.g. looking at papers or flipping papers or looking at your phone or the clock/watch, etc. Give positive physical cues e.g. nod your head, maintain eye contact, etc. Avoid habits like checking messages or answering your phone while someone is speaking. Turn off your phone. There is really nothing that can't wait. The basket is always full. Learn to prioritize. And the person speaking to you is priority right now. Remind yourself of those days, not too long ago, when people didn't have cell phones--life was much peaceful then. I recall an acquaintance, a successful professional/entrepreneur, who would take a few weeks vacation twice a year along with her husband, and without their phones just to hide from the "world". She said, "I won't be able to survive if I don't do this, I will go crazy."

So we should turn off our phones once in a while and especially during meetings and knowledge gatherings. Most people are living in this myth of speed--they are in this rush mode, "I got to rush (for the dunya)!" "I got to go (for the dunya)!" mentality. When you are in a meeting or a gathering, not only this is an expression of disrespect of others but also this will stress you out. Know that the mind works better when you are focussed. So, focus on the one speaking to you and do not do anything that would be indicative of lack of attention when people are speaking to you.

May Allah save us from the fitnah of technology and make us from those who seek Divine pleasure. Ameen.

Please don't forget us in your night prayers. Jazakallahu khairan.

And Allah knows best.
Wassalaam