Things You Don’t Understand About Divorce (Until You Get One)

بسم الله الرحمن الرحيم
In the Name of Allah, Most Merciful, Most Compassionate

Assalaamu alaykum

Dear Friends

I pray that you are well.

Marriage is not easy. Unfortunately, even couples with the best intentions can end up divorced. There are a number of reasons people get divorced-- Incompatibility, Age, Unhappiness, Weight Gain, Extramarital Affairs, Addiction, Money, Abuse, Parenting Styles Differences.

When you see problems on the horizon, don't wait until they are beyond fixing to address them. And if it cannot be fixed, remember divorce isn't a dirty word. It's ok and healthy to talk about divorce. It's not a secret and shouldn't be treated as such.

Zayd bin Harithah and Zaynab binti Jahsh (may Allah be pleased with them) got divorce. They were perfectly fine and noble people. Things just didn't work out for them. When marriage did not work out, there is a respectable way out. Rather than 'stick it out', often at a huge personal price.

Children should not be the factor for remaining in a marriage, filled with conflicts. Children should not be the factor for remaining in a marriage, filled with conflicts. There are plenty of stories of people sticking out in a bad marriage for their children and ended with divorce (sum 5, 10, 15, 20 years) later but unfortunately didn't help the children at all.

Divorce can be devastating but it is also liberating.

There’s nothing easy about getting a divorce — and the judgment you encounter from otherwise well-meaning friends and family only makes it worse. The truth is, you don’t really know what it’s like to get a divorce until you’re on the brink of getting one.

And People! Don’t judge. Because your marriage could fall apart too. When you hear about someone’s divorce, just give them space. Let them talk and don’t say, ‘Well, if I were you...’ Most of the time we just want to share and let our feelings out. Plus, most people have already done a lot of review on why the marriage ended.

As heartbreaking as a divorce, trust in the promise of Allah.

فَإِنَّ مَعَ الْعُسْرِ‌ يُسْرً‌ا ﴿٥﴾ إِنَّ مَعَ الْعُسْرِ‌ يُسْرً‌ا ﴿٦

For indeed, with hardship [will be] ease. Indeed, with hardship [will be] ease.

[Qur’an, Ar-Sharh 94:5-6]

Divorce may seem like the end of the world sometimes, but trust that even the worst of heartaches is temporary. Think of divorce as a new beginning. Some of the best lessons in life hurt, but they provide us with invaluable wisdom. Look after yourself during this heartbreak. Reach out to loved ones who will support you. Make a lot of istighfar, read the Qur’an, make du'a in the last third of the night and make plenty of salawat upon the Prophet (upon him be blessings and peace).

Divorce isn’t an option until it’s the only option. No one goes into a marriage intending for it to end in divorce. Sometimes you fight incessantly and work tirelessly to keep your marriage afloat but realize you may be doing it alone. It takes two people and the support of their respective families to make a marriage work. It's hard to ‘give up’ on your marriage but at some point you realize that there’s more to life and you have to do what’s best for you and your Deen (religion) in the long run. Don't let your emotions take over.

May Allah grant us good in this life and the next and dispose of our affairs in the right way. Ameen.

And Allah knows best and He alone grant success.

Allahumma salli 'ala Muhammad wa 'ala aalihi wa sahbihi wassallam.

Wassalaam