Umm Sulaim (رضى الله عنها)

Assalamu alaikum, below are all of my notes from Lesson 173 from the Book of Funerals. Hadeeth 659-661 were covered in this lesson which was delivered on Friday 16th November 2007.

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باب: ما يُنْهى مِنَ الحَلْقِ عِنْدَ المُصيبَة

CHAPTER 20. Shaving the head on the falling of a calamity is forbidden.

659. عَنْ أَبِي مُوسى رَضِيَ اللهُ عَنْهُ: وَجِعَ وَجَعًا, فَغُشِيَ عَلَيْهِ, وَرَأْسُهُ فِي حَجْرِ امْرَأَةٍ مِنْ أَهْلِهِ فبكت, فَلَمْ يَسْتَطِعْ أَنْ يَرُدّ عَلَيْهَا شَيْئًا, فَلَمّا أَفَاقَ قَالَ: أَنَا بَرِيءٌ مِمّنْ بَرِىءَ مِنْهُ رَسُولُ اللهِ صلى الله عليه وسلم, إِنّ رَسُولَ اللهِ صلى الله عليه وسلم بَرِىءَ مِنَ الصّالِقَةِ, وَالحَالِقَةِ, والشّاقّةِ. رواه البخاري: 1296

659. Narrated Abu Musa رضى الله عنه that he got seriously ill, fainted, and could not reply to his wife while he was lying with his head in her lap. When he came to his senses, he said, I am innocent of those, of whom Allâh’s Messenger صلى الله عليه وسلم was innocent. Allâh’s Messenger صلى الله عليه وسلم is innocent of the woman who cries aloud (or slaps her face) and who shaves her head and who tears off her clothes (on the falling of a calamity). (2:383(B)O.B)

Hadeeth 659 - In this hadeeth, the Prophet (صلى الله عليه وسلم) discusses three actions that a woman did in ignorance when mourning a bereavement; wailing/slapping her face, shaving her head and ripping off clothes. This hadeeth is specifically about bereavement but Imam Bukhari (رحمة الله عليه) generalises with the chapter heading i.e. when a calamity befalls a person because these actions are haraam for all occasions of sadness.

باب: مَنْ جَلَسَ عِنْدَ المُصِيبَةِ يُعرَفُ فِيهِ الحُزْن

CHAPTER 21. Whoever sat down and looked sad when afflicted with a calamity.

660. عَنْ عائِشَةَ رَضِيَ اللهُ عَنْهَا, قَالَتْ: لَمّا جَاءَ النّبِيّ صلى الله عليه وسلم قَتْلُ ابْنِ حارِثَةَ وَجَعْفَرٍ وَابْنِ رَوَاحَةَ, جَلَسَ يُعْرَفُ فِيهِ الحُزْنُ, وَأَنَا أَنْظُرُ مِنْ صَائِرِ الْبابِ شَقّ الْبابِ فَأَتَاهُ رَجُلٌ فَقَالَ: إِنّ نِسَاءَ جَعْفَرٍ, وَذَكَرَ بُكاءَهُنّ, فَأَمَرَهُ أَنْ يَنْهَاهُنّ, فَذَهَبَ, ثُمّ أَتَاهُ الثّانِيَةَ: فأَخبره أَنّهنّ لَمْ يُطِعْنَهُ, فَقَالَ: (انْهَهُنّ). فَأَتَاهُ الثّالِثَةَ, قَالَ: وَاللهِ غَلَبْنَنَا يَا رَسُولَ اللهِ. فَزَعَمَتْ أَنّهُ قَالَ: (فَاحْثُ في أَفْوَاهِهِنّ التّرَابَ). رواه البخاري: 1299

660. Narrated A’isha رضى الله عنها : When the Prophet صلى الله عليه وسلم got the news of the death of Ibn Hâritha, Ja’far and Ibn Rawâha he sat down and looked sad and I was looking at him through the chink of the door. A man came and told him about the crying of the women of Ja’far. The Prophet صلى الله عليه وسلم ordered him to forbid them. The man went and came back saying that he had told them but they did not listen to him. The Prophet صلى الله عليه وسلم said, Forbid them. So again he went and came back for the third time and said, O Allâh’s Messenger! By Allâh, they did not listen to us at all. (A’isha) added, Allâh’s Messenger صلى الله عليه وسلم ordered him to go and put dust in their mouths. (2:386O.B.)

Hadeeth 660 – the Battle of Mu’tah which is referred to in this hadeeth was discussed in the commentary of Hadeeth 639 in Lesson 165 (see my previous post about this battle - http://bukhariblog.blogspot.com/2007/10/battle-of-mutah.html and also the audio lesson at http://alkawthar.podbean.com/2007/08/12/lesson-165-hadeeth-639/) . The wording in the hadeeth is that the Prophet (صلى الله عليه وسلم) sat down; this actually means that the Prophet (صلى الله عليه وسلم) was seated in mourning and people came to visit him and offer their condolences. He had lost his cousin, adopted son, and also a companion who was close to him as well as being his poet.

When the incident mentioned in this hadeeth took place, Aisha (رضى الله عنها) said ‘May Allah rub your nose in the dust’. She muttered these words under her mouth to the man mentioned in the hadeeth. The women in the household of Jafar (رضى الله عنه) were weeping excessively and there was a danger that they would start to wail. The Prophet (صلى الله عليه وسلم) told the man who informed him of this to go and prevent them. The man came back and said that the women were not listening to him. The Prophet (صلى الله عليه وسلم) told him to go back again. He came back again. The Prophet (صلى الله عليه وسلم) then said to him ‘Throw dust in their mouths’. By this the Prophet (صلى الله عليه وسلم) is implying to the man that he will be unable to stop them weeping excessively as this was a time of great calamity. The women were weeping excessively but they were not doing anything haraam. This is why Aisha (رضى الله عنها) added her comment as the man was unable to prevent the women from weeping but he still kept coming and bothering and disturbing the Prophet.

Shaykh Abu Yusuf Riyadh ul Haq mentioned that the lesson to be learnt from this hadeeth is that one should not hurt someone repeatedly when talking to them about something when nothing practical cane be done about it e.g. if someone says kind words to the ill person, it will be pleasing to the ill person and make them feel better even though words will not change the Qadr of Allah. On the contrary, we shouldn’t start asking details about the person’s illness as is commonly the practice… ‘Tell me about the operation’ etc. Similarly, when someone dies, you should not go and start asking how the person died.

The Shaykh also added that it takes two people to hurt you – your enemy to slander you, and your friend to then convey that slander to you.

باب: مَن لَم يُظهِر حُزنَهُ عِندَ المُصيبَة

CHAPTER 22. Whoever shows no signs of grief or sorrow on the falling of a calamity.

661. عَنْ أَنَسِ بْنِ مَالِكٍ رَضِيَ اللهُ عَنْهُ قَالَ: مات ابْنٌ لأَبِي طَلْحَةَ رَضِيَ اللهُ عَنْهُ وَأَبُو طَلْحَةَ خارِجٌ, فَلَمّا رَأَتِ امْرَأَتُهُ أَنّهُ قَدْ مَاتَ, هَيّأَتْ شَيْئًا, وَنَحّتْهُ فِي جانِبِ الْبَيْتِ, فَلَمّا جَاءَ أَبُو طَلْحةَ قَالَ: كَيْفَ الْغُلاَمُ قَالَتْ: قَدْ هَدَأَتْ نَفْسُهُ, وَأَرْجُو أَنْ يَكُونَ قَدِ اسْتَرَاحَ. فَبَاتَ, فَلَمّا أَصْبَحَ اغْتَسَلَ, فَلَمّا أَرَادَ أَنْ يَخْرُجَ أَعْلَمَتْهُ أَنّهُ قَدْ مَاتَ, فَصَلّى مَعَ النّبِيّ صلى الله عليه وسلم, ثُمّ أَخْبَرَهُ بِمَا كانَ مِنْهُمَا, فَقَالَ رَسُولُ اللهِ صلى الله عليه وسلم: (لَعَلّ اللهَ أَنْ يُبَارِكَ لَكُمَا فِي لَيْلَتِكُمَا).

قَالَ رَجُلٌ مِنَ الأَنْصَارِ: فَرَأَيْتُ لَهُمَا تِسْعَةَ أَوْلاَدٍ, كُلّهُمْ قَدْ قَرَأَ الْقُرْاَنَ. رواه البخاري: 1301

661. Narrated Anas (bin Mâlik) رضى الله عنه : One of the sons of Abu Talha became (sick) and died and Abu Talha at that time was not at home. When his wife saw that he was dead, she prepared him (washed and shrouded him) and placed him somewhere in the house. When Abu Talha came, he asked, How is the boy? She said, The child is quiet and I hope he is in peace. (Abu Talha) passed the night and in the morning took a bath and when he intended to go out, she told him that his son had died, Abu Talha offered the (morning) prayer with the Prophet صلى الله عليه وسلم and informed the Prophet صلى الله عليه وسلم of what happened to them. Allâh’s Messenger صلى الله عليه وسلم said, May Allâh bless you both concerning your night (that is, may Allâh bless you both with good offspring). (Sufyân said) A man from the Ansâr said, They (i.e. Abu Talha and his wife) had nine sons and all of them became reciters of the Qur’ân (by heart). (2:388O.B.)

Hadeeth 661 – Abu Talha (رضى الله عنه) was fasting and he was visiting the Prophet (صلى الله عليه وسلم). Abu Talha (رضى الله عنه) would fast all the time. He was the step-father of the narrator of this hadeeth, Anas ibn Malik (رضى الله عنه).

Umm Sulaim (رضى الله عنها) was the wife of Abu Talha (رضى الله عنه). One of their children was ill and the child passed away. She bathed the child and placed him at the side of their home. She told Anas (رضى الله عنه) to call her father but not to tell him. She prepared food for his iftar and then adorned herself and enquired ‘Do you have any need for me?’. They cohabited and spent the night together. Before he was about to leave the house for Fajr salah, she said to him that imagine if someone gave an item of trust to another to look after, but afterwards refused to give it back, would that be correct? Abu Talha (رضى الله عنه) replied by saying to her ‘Of course not’. She then said to Abu Talha (رضى الله عنه) ‘Then pray to Allah about your son’. Abu Talha (رضى الله عنه) became angry and said that she allowed him to reach a state of major impurity before telling him (although he had performed ghusl when she informed him). He went angrily to the Prophet (صلى الله عليه وسلم) and told him the whole incident after Fajr salah.

The Prophet (صلى الله عليه وسلم) did not disapprove of Umm Sulaim’s (رضى الله عنها) actions but prayed for them and said to him that Allah will bless your union (of that night). They had a child whom the Prophet (صلى الله عليه وسلم) named Abdullah. Abdullah had nine sons and four daughters - all of his nine sons were scholars. One of them was the teacher of Imam Malik (رحمة الله عليه).

With this chapter heading, Imam Bukhari (رحمة الله عليه) is trying to tell us that one should have a moderate approach to mourning.

Umm Sulaim (رضى الله عنها) was a woman of great willpower, resilience and courage. He husband was first Malik (the father of Anas (رضى الله عنه)) before Islam. She embraced Islam before her husband. When she told her husband that she had embraced Islam, he began abusing her and refused to embrace. She told her son, Anas, to say the kalimah and he embraced Islam although Malik said to her ‘Don’t spoil my son’. Malik left his home in anger and was killed in a fight. Abu Talha (رضى الله عنه) later proposed to Umm Sulaim (رضى الله عنها) – he was a nobleman and very wealthy but she said she didn’t want any money but wanted him to embrace Islam. She asked that her dowry would be that he embraces Islam rather than money.

It is reported that Abu Talha (رضى الله عنه) would fast every day, except on the days of Eid. Abu Talha (رضى الله عنه) passed away on a ship and those with him didn’t want to bury him in the sea. For six days as they sailed towards land, his body remained fresh.