Your Parents: The Old Fashion Way

بسم الله الرحمن الرحيم
In the Name of Allah, Most Merciful, Most Compassionate
Assalaamu alaykum

Dear Friends

I pray that you are well.

The world indeed has been changing rapidly. Most of us live in a culture that does not emphasize respect to one's parents but rather on one's own independence. So you see young people don't normally listen to their parents. They prefer to ignore their parents' advice altogether as old fashioned and irrelevant. This is an attitude that needs to change among young people for the survival of a decent human race.

Some needs are meant to be continuously met, and some values are forever enduring. Caring, support and belongingness are needs that must always be satisfied. Human values will never be outdated and go out of fashion. Respect for one's privacy, human dignity, respect for the rights of others, conservation of the environment, and not hurting or harming other people are values that endure the test of time.

Parents are a tremendous gift in life but most people don't value them enough. This is because it is hard to value something that has been with you for a long time. Our parents have always been there and we tend to take them for granted. For those whose parents have passed away, you can truly appreciate them now but how do you show it? You can't, because they are dead. But you can honor them by being a person of good character.

All of us have faults and we make mistakes everyday. Our parents are no exception. We don't blame them or look down upon them for their shortcomings; it is a mistake in itself to do so and opens the door to the workings of the Shaytan. Rather we spend our time to work on ourselves to be better than yesterday. We should always be looking at how we can improve the way we do things and the way we are. When we see something that has gone wrong, we should look at it objectively and find out the real reason why things went bad. When our parents pointed something about us that we don't like to hear, be thankful instead of being defensive and hasty in our words to argue and counter.

Parents possess important life lessons that young people must learn so not to repeat the same mistakes. If you look back at your family's history, can you find a few mistakes that are repeatedly made like a vicious cycle that prevents your family from achieving prosperity and happiness--whether it be financial or other things that have to do with making the right decisions and avoiding mistakes? If yes, then these are the life lessons that you must learn from.

We should distill the lessons that life is showing us and learn from our parents. This is how industry develops and so families should too.

You haven't learned anything and have wasted your life if you repeat the mistakes that have been made in the past. Young people should resolve never to become victims to wrong decisions and actions that can lead the family to suffer a great deal. They should actively seek life lessons from their parents and not repeat the mistakes that they have done. Only then can families move to a higher level of existence.

The proper choice of a spouse is of a paramount importance that youth must learn. What qualities should the youth be looking for in choosing someone to marry and be the other parent of their children? How should one to decide on this very important issue? Consultation with their parents and correct guidance from the parents can prevent making poor decision that can lead to future troubles.

As children, your duty is to show good character to your parents at all times. Even if they are annoying to you, respond to them with gentleness. They may say something which may seem bizarre to you but be respectful and give due weight and consideration to what they say because they may have considerations that you are not aware of, after all they have lived longer than you and have experienced more than you. Maybe what they say is wrong, but empathize with them, and don't cause them unnecessary distress and don't ever be rude to them.

One of the worst sins that the Prophet, Allah bless him and grant him peace, warned people about is being bad to one's parents. The punishment will not just be in the next life, it will come in this life as well. Remember, what goes around, comes around.

وَقَضَىٰ رَبُّكَ أَلَّا تَعۡبُدُوٓاْ إِلَّآ إِيَّاهُ وَبِٱلۡوَٲلِدَيۡنِ إِحۡسَـٰنًا‌ۚ إِمَّا يَبۡلُغَنَّ عِندَكَ ٱلۡڪِبَرَ أَحَدُهُمَآ أَوۡ كِلَاهُمَا فَلَا تَقُل لَّهُمَآ أُفٍّ۬ وَلَا تَنۡہَرۡهُمَا وَقُل لَّهُمَا قَوۡلاً۬ ڪَرِيمً۬ا (٢٣) وَٱخۡفِضۡ لَهُمَا جَنَاحَ ٱلذُّلِّ مِنَ ٱلرَّحۡمَةِ وَقُل رَّبِّ ٱرۡحَمۡهُمَا كَمَا رَبَّيَانِى صَغِيرً۬ا (٢٤

And your Lord has decreed that you not worship except Him, and to parents, good treatment. Whether one or both of them reach old age [while] with you, say not to them [so much as], "uff," and do not repel them but speak to them a noble word. (23) And lower to them the wing of humility out of mercy and say, "My Lord, have mercy upon them as they brought me up [when I was] small." (24)

(Qur’an Al-Isra' 17:23-24)

Always be good to your parents. It is never enough good that you can do for your parents and by the same token there is no good deed too small for them. The more conscious we are with our duties to our parents, the more conscious we are of Allah. All that we do for our parents turn into remembrance of Allah by your intention to do them for the sake of Allah.

May Allah make us dutiful to our parents and make us the source of happiness to them, and grant us righteous children and families. Ameen.

Please don't forget us in your night prayers. Jazakallahu khairan.

And Allah knows best.
Wassalaam