In the Name of Allah, Most Merciful, Most Compassionate
Assalaamu alaykum
Dear Friends
I pray that you are well.
Everybody needs good role models and I have many - from my mother to the mothers of the believers - and there's one woman who has captured my heart unlike any other and she is our mother, Khadijah bint Khuwaylid (may Allah be pleased with her). Khadijah had qualities that were unmatched, as time would prove-- maturity, wisdom, intelligence, loyalty, trustworthy, generosity, courage, loving, caring, inspiring, confident, enthusiastic, and more.
Prior to marrying the Prophet (Allah bless him and grant him peace), she was already a distinguished and successful entrepreneur. Khadijah was highly-educated, financially independent, confident, determined and perceptive. At the same time, she was also a mother and a widow. She was the kind of woman many men and women would look up to today and perhaps be intimidated by.
But Khadijah was the kind of woman who wouldn't allow challenges or social stigma to get in the way of her success and happiness. She saw something special in Muhammad (Allah bless him and grant him peace), a person she had hired for her thriving textile business, and she admired and respected him because of his fine character which made her feel at ease.
Despite being 15 years older, Khadijah did what would be considered unthinkable even by today's standards. She trusted her intuition and proposed to Muhammad (Allah bless him and grant him peace).
She was to be the backbone of Islam, the foundation stone of Islam, the first ever Muslim who believed in Muhammad (Allah bless him and grant him peace) as Allah’s last and chosen Prophet. She dedicated everything she had to spread the noble Message that Allah is One and Muhammad (Allah bless him and grant him peace) is His final messenger. Being a strong woman only enhanced her ability to be a devoted wife and Muslim. If it were not for her unflinching support for him and unequivocal faith in him, Muhammad (Allah bless him and grant him peace) would have still done what Allah destined for him to do. But without Khadijah beside him, it would have been a lonelier and even more tedious journey.
The years before and around Prophethood would have been tough for her. Imagine how she felt when he retreated into the cave of Hira' and did not come home for days. Any wife in her position would cease to see the bigger picture and let the desire to own her man and his time take over. But Khadijah knew her man. She allowed him the space he needed to grow inch by inch and day by day towards Prophethood. And her support remained unequivocal. There are reports that she would climb up the cave of Hira and carry food and water for him. She was not exactly young at that time. But she did what it took to support him.
Perhaps the most well-known and yet never deplete of lessons and emotional impact is the incidence when the Muhammad (Allah bless him and grant him peace) returned after he received the first revelation from the cave of Hira, having witnessed the angel Jibreel (alayhissalaam). The enormous responsibility of Prophethood conferred by Jibreel left our beloved Prophet (Allah bless him and grant him peace) in a state of agitation and fear, i.e. would he be able to carry out this great responsibility or would he fail. He immediately went home to his beloved wife and recounted the whole episode of the meeting with the Angel Jibril. Her immediate reaction was to offer loving words of comfort and support. She allayed his fears by pointing out to him that Allah Ta’ala had placed this responsibility on him, but surely not to humiliate him with failure.
Her words at this moment have gone down in history. In Sahih Bukhari, it says: “Then he went to Khadijah and said, “Cover me! Cover me!” They covered him till his fear was over and after that he told her everything that had happened and said, “I fear that something may happen to me.” Khadijah replied, “Never! By Allah, Allah will never disgrace you. You keep good relations with your kith and kin, help the poor and the destitute, serve your guests generously and assist the deserving calamity-afflicted ones.”
She was the first to believe in his Prophethood and therefore the first Muslim. Today, Muslims are a 2.1 billion strong, and growing. At that time, in those crucial moments that were to alter history, it was just her.
We all need that one person, at least, to believe in us implicitly. To know our mettle. To bring out the best in us. To be our fallback. We need to know in moments of fear and insecurity and vulnerability that there is someone who will stand by us, no matter what. And the bigger and more important a human’s intended task or goal and the better the substance of that person, I believe sincerely that the better will be the person Allah chooses to complement us. To facilitate an ultimate aim. For Prophet Muhammad (Allah bless him and grant him peace), Allah chose Khadijah.
It is then no small wonder that one day, Jibril (peace be upon him) came to the Prophet (Allah bless him and grant him peace) and said: “O Allah’s Messenger! This is Khadijah, coming to you with a dish having meat soup (or some food or drink). When she reaches you, greet her on behalf of her Lord (Allah) and on my behalf, and give her the glad tidings of having a palace made of Qasab in Paradise, wherein there will be neither any noise nor any toil, (fatigue, trouble, etc.).” [Al-Bukhari]
The Prophet (Allah bless him and grant him peace) included her in the four foremost women of the world: Khadijah bint Khuwaylid, Fatimah bint Muhammad, Maryam bint Imran (the mother of the Prophet Isa) and ‘Asiya bint Muzahim (the wife of the Pharaoh), may Allah be pleased with them.
The richest woman in Makkah sacrificed all her wealth for the cause of Islam. The Princess of Quraish had to sustain the hardships of the 3 years of political and economic boycott, during which the Muslims had to stay in Shaib e Abi Talib, at times surviving by eating mere leaves. Yet, she did not complain or let go of her sabr (patience).
It is no wonder, then, that the Prophet (Allah bless him and grant him peace) called the year of her death “The Year of Sorrow.”
A Companion of the Prophet (Allah bless him and grant him peace) narrates that whenever any gift was brought to him he would immediately send it to some lady who had been a friend of Khadijah. Aisha (may Allah be pleased with her), the favorite wife of the Prophet (Allah bless him and grant him peace) says that whenever a goat was slaughtered the Prophet (Allah bless him and grant him peace)would send some meat to Khadijah’s friends; when she remarked about this on one occasion he told her that he had great regard for her friends, as she had a special place in his heart. Aisha said she never experienced such a feeling of natural feminine jealousy for any other wife of the Prophet (Allah bless him and grant him peace) as she did for Khadijah. She also narrates that whenever the Prophet (Allah bless him and grant him peace) spoke of her he would talk at great length and praise her qualities, and pray for her forgiveness.
Once the Prophet (Allah bless him and grant him peace) mentioned Khadījah before Aisha, the latter responded: “She was not but a such and such of an old lady, and Allah replaced her with a better one for you.” He replied: “Indeed Allah did not grant me better than her; she accepted me when people rejected me, she believed in me when people doubted me, she shared her wealth with me when people deprived me, and Allah granted me children only through her.” Aisha says, after this incident, “I learned to keep quiet, whenever Khadījah’s name was mentioned by the Messenger (Allah bless him and grant him peace.)” (Sahih Muslim)
Her place in his life can easily be understood by the fact that till she lived, the young Muhammad (Allah bless him and grant him peace), in the prime of his youth, did not marry another woman.
Khadijah fulfilled all his needs and gave him the happy content married life that is required for anyone who wishes to achieve or do anything great in life. Khadijah, Mother of the believers, took care of the home front and gave the Prophet (Allah bless him and grant him peace) support in the worst of times, enabling him to do what he did. She bequeathed her worldly goods and put herself in the face of danger to stand by her husband as Islam became established in the land.
She opened the doors to her home and heart to him. She shared her wealth with him. She took into her home his cousin, the young Ali (may Allah be pleased with him). And then there was Zayd ibn Harith (may Allah be pleased with him). And then there were their own children – Qasim (who died young), Abdullah (who died young), Zaynab, Ruqayyah, Umm Kulthum and Fatimah Az-Zahra(may Allah be pleased with them). And her own children from previous marriages. And this blessed home’s doors were open to all – charity was a norm. An abundant norm. Khadijah gave her earnings to the poor and to the orphans, to the widows and the sick. She helped poor girls get married and provided their dowry.
For her part, she understood and appreciated him and his responsibility. For his part, he cherished and appreciated who she was and what she meant to him. He loved no one more than her during his lifetime. Together, they complemented each other, working hand in hand for a cause bigger than everything.
One could even say that it was the power of a woman's love that contributed to Prophet's (Allah bless him and grant him peace) tenacity and charismatic leadership. Today, many have forgotten the extent of Khadijah's influence on the Prophet's life and character. Many Muslims tend to place great emphasis and significance on raising little Muhammad's but not little Khadijah's. Imagine an Ummah without strong, knowledgeable and confident women. What a travesty that would be!
She was an ideal wife; theirs was a true love story.
Islam empowers women and raises their status. Allah Most High wants both men and women to be successful in this world and the hereafter.
هُنَّ لِبَاسٌ لَّكُمْ وَأَنتُمْ لِبَاسٌ لَّهُنَّ
Your wives are a garment for you, and you are a garment for them." (Qur'an, Al-Baqarah 2:187)
Choose the best garment for yourself and be the best garment yourself so together you can help each other to reach the highest.
Some lessons from the life of Khadijah:
* Be a means of comfort to your husband, especially so if he is striving in the path of sacred knowledge and the religion. A few words of comfort from a wife are enough compared to others. Khadijah holds a very high status in the ummah. Despite the differences in their status, the Prophet (Allah bless him and grant him peace) was able to go to her and confide his fears in her.
* Be as independent as you can. Allah has given women the prerogative to seek freedom and fulfillment by worshiping Allah and not His creations. There is no harm in seeking knowledge and earning an income because it is virtuous to practice self-compassion and seek provision for yourself and your family.
* Be a source of inspiration and strength for those around you. This means we must not be afraid of doing the right thing when it's hard; we must challenge ourselves and others too, if it will help them to become better people. To challenge someone out of love and mercy is very different than to challenge someone due to one's ego and being outspoken is not the same as being rude. To teach someone to think for themselves is a great act of love and concern.
* Be self-confident. Khadijah was not a selfish and insecure woman; she wasn't afraid to voice her opinions and make sacrifices when she needed to. She was willing to give her wealth, time and energy to help others. Further, despite being widowed twice, she had the courage to propose and marry a man who was 15 years younger than her because she fell in love with his impeccable character. If that doesn't scream self-confidence, I don't know what does.
* Work on acquiring these 4 qualities:
1) Keep good relations with your kith and kin,
2) Help the poor and the destitute,
3) Serve your guests generously, and
4) Assist the deserving calamity-afflicted/oppressed ones
Khadijah describes these 4 qualities present in her husband before Prophethood, which were the reason for his not being humiliated, and if these 4 qualities were to be present in us, success would be guaranteed for us in both worlds.
To practice on these 4 things a couple would have to be united and supportive of each other. A wife or a husband would never be able to feed the poor or worry about the weak, the helpless, the disabled, the widows or the orphans, or help the oppressed or invite guests without the support of the other. Therefore the 4 beautiful qualities Khadijah pointed out in her husband were present in her also.
“Khadija was a great teacher; she has such a maqaam in our religion. She taught the Prophet salla’Allahu ‘alayhi wasalam who he was; she was the one who elevated him in his esteem. When he had self doubt she said no. You can see that when the Prophet salla’Allahu ‘alayhi wasalam married Aisha he had no fear of strong women. There's a lot of men who fear strong women, who want them to be wallflowers. Whereas with the Prophet salla’Allahu ‘alayhi wasalam, that’s not the type of people he encouraged. His wives were women who talked back, and the reason he wasn’t afraid was because Khadija was his first wife. She was a women of the world. She knew the world, and she was completely self confident. That’s a sunnah of our Prophet salla’Allahu ‘alayhi wasalam, to elevate women”. ~ Shaykh Hamza Yusuf.
May Allah guide us and grant us success to the highest stations. Ameen.
And Allah knows best and He alone grant success.
Allahumma salli 'ala Muhammad wa 'ala aalihi wa sahbihi wassallam.
Wassalaam
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