The Malice Of Lying and What To Do If You Are Caught In A Lie

بسم الله الرحمن الرحيم
In the Name of Allah, Most Merciful, Most Compassionate

Assalaamu alaykum

Dear Friends

I pray that you are well.

I don't know of anyone who likes to be lied to, even the liars themselves. Lying is a despicable vice, gripping our society. ‘Everyday lies are really part of the fabric of social life,’ says Bella DePaulo, a psychologist and lying expert at the University of Virginia. Her research shows both men and women lie in approximately a fifth of their social exchanges lasting 10 or more minutes; over the course of a week they deceive about 30 percent of those with whom they interact one-on-one.

Lying is probably then one of the most common wrong acts that we carry out every day, so it's worth spending time thinking about it.

Some people even lie due to habit at first impulse. We should be careful not to make false excuses like ‘I was too busy or I forgot,’ or say words that can be taken as promises by others like ‘I’ll call back tomorrow,’ with no such intention. At the same time, not lying should not be confused with impoliteness, ‘saying as it is,’ but we should be careful not to lie about little things even when no one apparently gets hurt. This can be done by carefully choosing our words.

Lying is damaging to relationships. An exposed lie undermines trust and sows suspicion, because a person who has been lied to is likely to mistrust the person who lied in the future.

The malice of lying is tied to hypocrisy as described by the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wassallam,

If anyone has four characteristics, he is a pure hypocrite, and if anyone has one of them, he has an aspect of hypocrisy until he gives it up: whenever he is trusted, he betrays his trust; whenever he speaks, he lies; when he makes an agreement/promise, he breaks it; and when he quarrels, he deviates from the truth by speaking falsely (he behaves impudently in an evil insulting manner.)

[Bukhari & Muslim]

The Prophet’s teaching is that we try our best to free ourselves of hypocrisy by keeping our trusts, telling the truth, keeping our promises, and not speaking falsely.

Allah Almighty says:

إِنَّ اللَّـهَ جَامِعُ الْمُنَافِقِينَ وَالْكَافِرِينَ فِي جَهَنَّمَ جَمِيعًا ....

...Indeed Allah will gather the hypocrites and disbelievers in Hell all together.

[Qur'an, An-Nisa 4:140]

The most heinous lie is against Allah, His prophets, His revelation, and bearing false witness.

The Prophet sallallahu alayhi wassallam stressed the importance of always being truthful and the seriousness of habitual lying, “Truthfulness leads to piety and piety leads to the Paradise. A man should be truthful until he is written down as truthful with Allah. Lying leads to deviance and deviance leads to the Fire. A man will lie until he is written down as a liar with Allah.” [Bukhari & Muslim]

Truth is to state what corresponds with reality, how things are, and is the opposite of lying. Lying is a form of deception. Lying is giving some information while believing it to be untrue, intending to deceive by doing so.

A lie has three essential features:
* A lie communicates some information
* The liar intends to deceive or mislead
* The liar believes that what they are 'saying' is not true

There are some features that people think are part of lying but aren't actually necessary:
* A lie does not have to give false information
* A lie does not have to be told with a bad (malicious) intention - white lies are an example of lies told with a good intention

This definition says that what makes a lie a lie is that the liar intends to deceive (or at least to mislead) the person they are lying to. It says nothing about whether the information given is true or false.

This definition covers ordinary cases of lying and these two odd cases as well:

* The case where someone inadvertently gives true information while believing that they're telling a lie
I want the last helping of pie for myself, so I lie to you that there is a worm in it. When I later eat that piece of pie I discover that there really is a worm in it

* The case where nobody is deceived by me because they know that I always tell lies

Why is lying wrong?

There are many reasons why lying is wrong; which ones resonate best with you will depend on the way you think about ethics.

* Lying is bad because a generally truthful world is a good thing: lying diminishes trust between human beings: if people generally didn't tell the truth, life would become very difficult, as nobody could be trusted and nothing you heard or read could be trusted - you would have to find everything out for yourself an untrusting world is also bad for liars - lying isn't much use if everyone is doing it

* Lying is bad because it treats those who are lied to as a means to achieve the liar's purpose, rather than as a valuable end in themselves. Many people think that it is wrong to treat people as means not ends.

* Lying is bad because it makes it difficult for the person being lied to make a free and informed decision about the matter concerned. Lies lead people to base their decisions on false information.

* Lying is bad because it cannot sensibly be made into a universal principle. Many people think that something should only be accepted as an ethical rule if it can be applied in every case.

* Lying is bad because it's a basic moral wrong. Some things are fundamentally bad - lying is one of them

* Lying is bad because it's something that Good People don't do. Good behavior displays the virtues found in Good People

* Lying is bad because it corrupts the liar. Telling lies may become a habit and if a person regularly indulges in one form of wrong-doing they may well become more comfortable with wrong-doing in general

* Lying is bad because it misuses the God-given gift of human communication. God gave humanity speech so that they could accurately share their thoughts - lying does the opposite.

* Lying is bad because language is essential to human societies and carries the obligation to use it truthfully. When people use language they effectively 'make a contract' to use it in a particular way - one of the clauses of this contract is not to use language deceitfully.

What harm do lies do?

Lies obviously hurt the person who is lied to (most of the time), but they can also hurt the liar, and society in general.

The person who is lied to suffers if they don't find out because:
* They are deprived of some control over their future because
They can no longer make an informed choice about the issue concerned
They are not fully informed about their possible courses of action
They may make a decision that they would not otherwise have made

* They may suffer damage as a result of the lie

The person who is lied to suffers if they do find out because:
* They feel badly treated - deceived and manipulated, and regarded as a person who doesn't deserve the truth
* They see the damage they have suffered
* They doubt their own ability to assess truth and make decisions
* They become untrusting and uncertain and this too damages their ability to make free and informed choices
* They may seek revenge

The liar is hurt because:
* He has to remember the lies he's told.
He must act in conformity with the lies.
He may have to tell more lies to avoid being found out

* He has to be wary of those he's lied to

* His long-term credibility is at risk
He will probably suffer harm if he's found out.
If he's found out, people are more likely to lie to him.
If he's found out he's less likely to be believed in future
* His own view of his integrity is damaged
* He may find it easier to lie again or to do other wrongs

Those who tell 'good lies' don't generally suffer these consequences - although they may do so on some occasions.

Society is hurt because:
* The general level of truthfulness falls - other people may be encouraged to lie
* Lying may become a generally accepted practice in some quarters
* It becomes harder for people to trust each other or the institutions of society
* Social cohesion is weakened
* Eventually no-one is able to believe anyone else and society collapses

Some types of relationships, such as those between parents and children, are virtual magnets for deception. It is important that our children learned that lying has consequences, one of which is curfew or grounded (or lose one or more privileges, etc). Tell your children the truth, promote honesty and be there to catch them with loving arms and held to uphold truth.

Is “Never lie!” an absolute principle of Islam or are there exceptions? Suppose that a would-be murderer comes knocking on your door, looking for his victim. Is the morally correct answer, “She’s hiding upstairs, hoping you will go away”? Philosophers like Kant wrote as if this was in fact the morally correct thing to do, but Islamically, lying is justified in such cases.

If you are caught in a lie...

Did you get caught telling an innocent white lie or a big fat whopper? It's too late now, so check out this list of DO's and DON'T's when you're caught in a corner or need to pull your foot out of your mouth and admit your mistake. The best thing to do if you're busted, is admit, explain yourself and apologize. Hopefully the person you lied to will show you mercy and forgive you.

DO #1 - Fess Up (admit your lies)

Admit right away that you have lied. Even if the truth is plainly visible in "black and white," the person to whom you have fibbed and lied to will appreciate the acknowledgment. In fact, most people will be more offended because they feel that their intelligence has been insulted, if you continue on in your charade.

DO #2 - Explain Yourself

After you've been found out, the next best thing to do is offer a little explanation. Perhaps the lie you've told is just a little white one. Or maybe it's a huge whopper of a story. Either way, a brief justification can do a world of good. People sometimes will feel better if they understand the nature of your dishonesty.

DO #3 - Apologize

An apology can go a long way when it comes to mending fences with someone whom you have betrayed. The acknowledgment of a fib is certainly necessary. But expressing sincere regret for the attempt to fool someone is even better. Lying is one of those things that people find harmless justifications for. Whether or not the end justifies the means is a moot point when someone realizes that they've been duped.

DON'T # 1 - Continue to Lie

The worst thing you can do when your dishonesty has been discovered, is to continue lying. Children are taught at a young age that one lie will always beget another. No matter how "risk-free" the lie seems, at some point it will need to be covered up with another lie in order to be validated. Attempting to remember all the layers of untruth can be extremely nerve-wracking, not to mention unnecessary.

DON'T #2 - Become Defensive

Never become defensive when someone confronts you about the falsehood(s) you've presented. Sometimes people embarrassed at being caught in a lie, will search for someone or something else onto which to place the blame. Sometimes this happens during romantic arguments. Sometimes it occurs in the workplace. Wherever it happens, know that "playing the victim" only serves to make you look worse. In essence, you will appear to be a "weasel" who avoids responsibility for his/her own actions.

DON'T #3 - Forget Why You Lied

The most important thing not to do is to forget why you've lied in the first place. Certainly, you've met someone who can only relay personal anecdotes that are embellished in some way. While some may not understand why people choose to add false details to their stories, it is clear that the person who does so is looking to boost his/her self-esteem. The motive for one's lie may not always be apparent. Think about why you chose to tell an untruth. Was it to save face? Protect someone's feelings? If so, there are many different alternatives to lying. Getting to the root of the need to lie will help you address any personal issues that you may be unaware of. Remember that "little white lies" can seem harmless. But engaging in a consistent pattern of telling them is probably an indicator that a deeper problem exists.

May Allah protect us from lies and hypocrisy and Hellfire. Ameen.

And Allah knows best and He alone grant success.

Allahumma salli 'ala Muhammad wa 'ala aalihi wa sahbihi wassallam.

Wassalaam