Transforming Love in Your Relationships into Love for the Sake of Allah

بسم الله الرحمن الرحيم
In the Name of Allah, Most Merciful, Most Compassionate

Assalaamu alaykum

Dear Friends

I pray that you are well.

Love is universe’s both light and source of life. As humankind is the most comprehensive fruit of the universe; a love so great to cover the whole universe is hidden inside the heart which is the seed of this fruit. Only the owner of infinite perfection and everlasting can deserve such great love. This is Allah Most High. He deserves our utmost love.

Human nature has been endowed with two tools: love and fear. Both of these senses inevitably will be directed to the Creator or the created. Fear of the created or blind love of the created are both dreadful calamities because people become afraid of people and created things that do not show mercy toward them. As for a love of creatures, many of them do not understand love and do not acknowledge us. One may love a beautiful panorama, but the panorama does not acknowledge a person; one may love the stars of night, but the stars do not acknowledge a person; a mother may love her children, but her children do not acknowledge her (they take her for granted). Many of these beloveds leave us without ever saying goodbye, like our youth or our wealth or our children- either they leave us, or we leave them.

We should direct our fear and love to such a One so that our fear will be a pleasant humility and delicate submission and our love a noble happiness free of humiliation.

Fear is a motivator that throws a person on Allah’s mercy just as a child, when threatened, takes refuge in the arms of their mother. Yes, fearing of Allah who is Wrathful means to find a way to His Mercy and seek refuge in Him. Maternal care and compassion for all living beings is only a ray from His Compassion. If we were to gather all mercy from all mothers (humans and animals) together, they are not even equal to a drop of water in the ocean of Allah’s mercy. Our Lord’s slightest love towards us can be larger than the universe. Nothing can be equal to His slightest love.

If fear of Allah is so joyful, then how does the love of Allah compare? There is great joyfulness in the love of Allah. Even the love of creatures is joyful since it is for His sake. Only when you can assign that love to its rightful owner can you love, for His sake and as mirrors to Him, all things without pain or trouble. Such love must not be assigned directly to existence for the sake of existence itself. Otherwise, while being a most pleasurable Divine grace, this love will become a most painful ailment. One who fears only Allah is freed from all other fears. Similarly, if one loves for the sake of Allah, his love for any creature will not be sorrowful.

Be like Prophet Ibrahim alayhissalaam and say "I do not love those that set" and turn your face to the eternal Beloved.

فَلَمَّا جَنَّ عَلَيْهِ ٱلَّيْلُ رَ‌ءَا كَوْكَبًا ۖ قَالَ هَـٰذَا رَ‌بِّى ۖ فَلَمَّآ أَفَلَ قَالَ لَآ أُحِبُّ ٱلْءَافِلِينَ ﴿٧٦﴾ فَلَمَّا رَ‌ءَا ٱلْقَمَرَ‌ بَازِغًا قَالَ هَـٰذَا رَ‌بِّى ۖ فَلَمَّآ أَفَلَ قَالَ لَئِن لَّمْ يَهْدِنِى رَ‌بِّى لَأَكُونَنَّ مِنَ ٱلْقَوْمِ ٱلضَّآلِّينَ ﴿٧٧﴾ فَلَمَّا رَ‌ءَا ٱلشَّمْسَ بَازِغَةً قَالَ هَـٰذَا رَ‌بِّى هَـٰذَآ أَكْبَرُ‌ ۖ فَلَمَّآ أَفَلَتْ قَالَ يَـٰقَوْمِ إِنِّى بَرِ‌ىٓءٌ مِّمَّا تُشْرِ‌كُونَ ﴿٧٨﴾ إِنِّى وَجَّهْتُ وَجْهِىَ لِلَّذِى فَطَرَ‌ ٱلسَّمَـٰوَ‌ٰتِ وَٱلْأَرْ‌ضَ حَنِيفًا ۖ وَمَآ أَنَا۠ مِنَ ٱلْمُشْرِ‌كِينَ ﴿٧٩

So when the night covered him [with darkness], he saw a star. He said, "This is my lord." But when it set, he said, "I do love those that set." (76) And when he saw the moon rising, he said, "This is my lord." But when it set, he said, "Unless my Lord guides me, I will surely be among the people gone astray." (77) And when he saw the sun rising, he said, "This is my lord; this is greater." But when it set, he said, "O my people, indeed I am free from what you associate with Allah. (78) Indeed, I have turned my face toward He who created the heavens and the earth, inclining toward truth, and I am not of those who associate others with Allah." (79) [Qur'an, Al-An'aam 6:76-79]

The Qur’an speaks of his famous statement, “I do not love those that set” [Qur'an, Al-An'aam 6:76]

A human being loves his own self first, then his family and relatives, then his friends, then his nation, then all living beings and lastly the universe. One's beloved things leave him one by one and most of them upset and hurt him. If we are logical enough, we should gather all of our loves that we have given to other things and give them to the One who really deserves them so that we will get rid of the hurt and troubles.

Life is the most beautiful bounty that Allah has given you. When you love your life, you should know that this life is a gift from Allah, and you love it for the sake of Allah.

The human soul is prone to love itself above everyone and everything else. In fact, it should not do so; the soul does not deserve such a love, as it is not the source of the beauty of the universe. “Your intense self-love is nothing but your innate love for His ‘Essence’, which you unconsciously carry in yourself and wrongly appropriate for your self.

Love the beautiful fruit as a bounty from Allah, the Merciful and Compassionate One. When you love this, you love the Merciful and the Giver of the Bounties. This love is a collective thankfulness. To love these things is good. So, how shall we love these things?

We should love the world and creatures living on it with respect to their relation with Allah and whole universe, not for itself, and to say how beautifully it has been created, not how beautiful it is. Do not put the love of anything in the depths of your heart, because the innermost heart is the mirror of Allah, and it belongs to Him.

Loving one’s self means to take pity on it, discipline it and protect it from harmful desires. If you love in this way, your lower-self would not rule over you and would not make you a captive of its desires. Maybe you would rule over your lower-self. You would route it to Allah, instead of meaningless desires.

Love towards parents is considered a prayer and worship if you love them for the sake of Allah. You wish them to live a long life sincerely. You try to render service to them sincerely so that you would gain more rewards because of them. If the essence of this love consists of finite worldly pleasures and interests, you begin to be disturbed by the fact that “they are still alive” with the most nefarious feeling when they grow old to be more dependent on you. You start to fight for your inheritance (their property) while they are still alive and you wildly wait for them to die, who are the reasons that brought you on earth. However, the criteria of loving parents for the sake of Allah are rendering more service to them and wishing a long life for them when you are not dependent on them anymore. When your parents are old, you love them more; thus one loves for the sake of God.

Your love towards your children is unconditional and sincere. It is an inexpressible love and a unique blessing to love the beings who Allah entrusted to you to raise. You neither suffer too much from their problems nor wail for their death, because your love comes from Allah. Be patient if they die, and do not be without hope; you should say that they were a gift from my Lord to me, and they were His creatures. . . He took them to a better place. If I had one share in them, He had a thousand shares.” It is thus important to submit to the will of Allah.

In a parent-children relationship, you need to look for certain things in your relationship with your children. For example, are you too exasperated and frustrated to try yet again to help them change their lives? If so, a step to transforming your relationship would be to go against yourself and do it anyway. Or, for example, are you indulging them too much because of the pleasure that their smile brings you? If so, a step to transforming your relationship would be base your dealings with them on raising them well (even when this involves deprivation) rather than on the pleasure that their smile brings to your heart. You can transform the love in your relationship with your children into love that is for the sake of Allah Most High by 1) you love children for the sake of Allah, not for self-satisfaction
, 2) you associate with them for the sake of Allah, not attach to them because they are yours, 3) you realize that they are not the only happiness in your life, 
4) you raise them in the manner that they get to Paradise, 
5) you teach them to love you for Allah.

Loving your spouse is a gift, and your love should not be based on apparent beauty, because when they are old, that physical beauty will disappear. If you love your spouse only for his/her physical beauties and youthfulness, that love will deteriorate soon and eventually you will not get on well with each other. Love should not be based on physical beauty, but on spiritual beauty (righteousness, obedience to Allah), or ethical beauty. This beauty continues to the end of life. The sign that you love them for the sake of Allah is that when they lose their physical beauty, you will continue to love them.

If your love for your friends is for the sake of Allah, you will benefit from this unworldly love and spiritual contact forever because separation or death cannot hinder your friendship and your unworldly relations. If this love is not for the sake of Allah, a delightful reunion of one day results in a sorrowful separation of many hundred days.

The practical way to work towards turning a relationship into one that is sincerely for the sake of your Lord is to look at the things that you don't particularly want to do, but would please your Lord if you were to do them, and to then force yourself to do them for the sake of your Lord. If there is something that is good to do and you enjoy doing it anyway, this is a blessing that you should be grateful for, but it doesn't tell yourself how you can improve.

 The specifics would vary from person to person.

O Lord, bestow upon us your love, and the love of things that make us close to you. Ameen.

And Allah knows best and He alone grant success.

Allahumma salli 'ala Muhammad wa 'ala aalihi wa sahbihi wassallam.

Wassalaam